How I defeated my own tire! And other nail biting tales of cycling!

First, let’s get the history out of the way. My bike has a cursed, nay haunted, front tire. If I so much as look the other way, it will go flat faster than a New Jersey prom queen’s hair in a wet t-shirt contest. It has done this reliably for years even with new tubes and tread. I keep said bike parked in the garage with my other wheeled belongings. You know, so they can have something in common. It would honestly shock me to someday find the tire full of air and ready to go. The greatest bike mechanics on the peninsula have tried to exorcise my tire, but to no avail. I suspect they all think I am just dumb, but take my money anyways.

So anyways, that’s the back story. I was googling up some cycling info and came across a site with lots of good info. Including, “Why do tires lose pressure?” I completely expected this to be a waste of time, however there was the answer to solve all my issues! I quote the prophet verbatim,

Ken Kifer said: I think this has to do with the uncertainty principle and Schroeder’s cat (or was it Charlie Brown’s dog?). If no one is watching the tires, they have a 50-50% chance of being flat, so one day they’re flat, and the next day they’re full of air. But as long as you’re watching them, they have to behave normally. The solution is to keep the bike in the living room, so the tires will have to behave.

Sure, it sounds like he is just making fun of the question. I thought so also. Until I tried it … and it worked. Placed in my living room, my tire has yet to deflate even the slightest bit. Maybe it was all a cry for attention or my bike just loves watching Buffy. I don’t know, nor do I care, now that the problem is solved!

Humour me a second quick tale about this Ken fellow’s web site. I first came across this site when researching the traffic fatality rates of bikes compared to cars. Don’t ask. All results promptly directed me to Ken’s web site as the outstanding authority on such things. I go there to look for my statistics, and the first text on the site reads:

 Tragically, Ken Kifer was killed by a drunk driver in September 2003. He is missed more than words can say.

That pretty much ended my search for that statistic. Because I have an unhealthy adoration of bulleted lists, I have 3 points to make then you can go.

1. How is it that people are still drinking and driving? Seriously, that’s some bullshit. They need to up the punishment on that one or something.
2. Thank you Ken for this great web site: Ken Kifer’s Bike Pages.  You were obviously passionate on the subject. Thank you also to whomever is keeping the site up now. For anyone who enjoys cycling, be sure to check the site out.
3. Morals of the stories: Don’t drink and drive, and don’t rule out the absurd solution as it might just work.

- shawn

Bonus round! Here is a picture of my Specialized M2 StumpJumper (arguably the greatest hardtail frame of all time!). Not to be confused with normal ghetto Stumps.

[source:  Ken Kifer's Bike Pages]